Friday, July 27, 2012

one year

          A year ago I was sad because I was coming back to my parents home and my dad wasn't there... I was leaving my life in bustling London for a much quieter existence in a small town in northern Spain, dragging with me a four year old and a very generous husband, but I was satisfied and happy I was going to spend time with my mum and she was going to enjoy her grandson every day... So many breakfasts, baths, games, stories, laughs...

    A year ago I was told my mum had an aggressive type of cancer and my world was turned upside down. After six months full of horror and sadness She is not here now, He is not here now... I sleep on their bed, sit on their chairs, use their towels, their plates, water their plants...this house is all it's left from them, perfumed scarves, handwritten notes, hairs on hairbrushes, things that won't let me forget, I like to imagine they are still here, can you feel "hugged" by a house? I do.

       It's a strange feeling to be an only child and loose both your parents, like you are left behind, abandoned, alone, even if there are cousins and aunties I love with all my heart.Of course I knew this would happen one day, and I've been preparing myself for it since I was old enough to realise that my parents were not young when they had me, but guess what, I was not ready! What a waste of time and energy!

     Now it's time to get up and walk again, slowly. It's time to Choose Joy and the house is going to help me, it means new projects, a lot of paint, and hopefully a lot of sewing and crafting! So one day, when we are not here, our son can sit on my chair and water his dad's plants and feel "hugged" whenever he wants.
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